Hart: My annual ADD list of what I’m thankful for

It has been an epic year for us humor/opinion writers. At this point in the year, I give thanks for those buffoons, reprobates, scalawags, the demented and DEI disasters who made my job easier in 2024. For the last year, all I had to do was read the newspaper out loud on stage to get laughs.

– AAA predicted 60 million Americans took to the roads with their families to visit relatives for Thanksgiving. Here’s a great way to not have to buy them a Christmas present: talk politics at Thanksgiving dinner after a couple of drinks.

– Joe Biden pardoned two Thanksgiving turkeys in the traditional White House ceremony. Their names were Hunter Indictment Count One and Hunter Indictment Count Two.

– The Dems have performed scant self-reflection after losing the presidential election. Kamala blames everyone but herself for her epic loss. She says she was “done wrong” by black men, white men and mean girls. And she “cared too much” about the things that mattered. Kamala needs to get more honest and realize she’s polishing the Biden/Harris legacy, not creating a Tinder profile.

– Biden seems to be happy Trump won, but he really needs to curb his excitement. Kamala and Karine Jean-Pierre have twice had to ask him to stop doing the Trump dance in staff meetings.

– Biden OK’d shooting our missiles into Russia as he rides herd over an international mess of our making. He needs to reel in Antony Blinken’s State Department and the CIA. They need to get back to their core mission: ham-handedly interfering in other countries that will undoubtedly lead us into our next unnecessary war.

– Building on his Ukraine/Gaza/Israel war success, Biden is thinking of arming the south sides of both Chicago and Atlanta with AK-47s, you know, to end the violence in those cities.

– The PC police are on the ropes with Trump returning to D.C. The Washington Commanders are trying to change their name back to the Redskins. FedEx, which sponsors Washington’s NFL stadium, seems to be on board. I’m glad it’s not United Parcel Service. “What can brown do for you?” just gets us back to where all this race stuff started. 

– College edu-crats continue to diminish the value proposition of a college education by running up costs, stifling opposing free speech and espousing liberal dogma. They don’t want to be “judged.” They even abandoned a college rating system based on cost and quality of education. Now we are back to the rating system we have always used: the College Football Playoff rankings and the quality of their sororities. 

– I am thankful that RFK Jr. is going to help Make America Healthy Again by running HHS and holding to account Big Pharma and food. He is healthy himself and is determined to be the first Kennedy to die of natural causes. 

– These Blue States scream “States’ Rights” on their sanctuary city stances. This might be a good time for Southern states to ease those Confederate statues back up now that “States’ Rights” is trending on X in Yankee states.

– Beloved comic Jay Leno is OK after suffering bruises to his face in LA. No one knows what happened, but fighting Mike Tyson has been ruled out as the reason. 

– SMU and Vanderbilt had great college football seasons and are on the bubble to get in the College Football Playoffs. I predict the players will get in after their parents make a few calls. 

– Let’s all be thankful that Elon and Vivek will be tasked with getting rid of waste in federal government. Any D.C. government workers who would like to help are asked to tender their resignations by Jan. 20. 

– Thankfully, the drought in California ended, mostly due to normalized seasonal rains but also from all the tears of Left Coast libs when Trump was reelected.

On this Thanksgiving I’d like to point out that the Puritans followed the religion of John Calvin and the economics of John Locke, and my ancestor John Hart who signed the Declaration of Independence. Thomas Hooker was the Puritan theologian who dissented. It all now makes sense: America was founded on a dispute between three Johns and a Hooker.

Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and a frequent guest on TV and radio. He can be contacted @RonaldHart on X.