Forgiving our spouse for not being perfect

If you’ve already blown your New Year’s resolutions, I have a suggestion. Resolve to do only one thing this new year: Forgive your spouse for not being perfect. 

Several years ago, while our Sunday school class discussed issues relating to married life, Bert said, “Our marriage isn’t perfect – ” 

I couldn’t help but interrupt. “Oh, Hon. Now they know!” The class chuckled a neither-is-our-marriage – perfect kind of chuckle.

Why do we behave as if we expect our marriages to be perfect? As we pledged our “I do’s,” we dreamt of “happily ever after.” We naively resolved never to let anything come between us – between two imperfect people – until death do us part. It didn’t take long for reality to set in. 

But perhaps it would be possible to live a realistic version of “happily ever after” if we heeded Proverbs 19:11 (ESV): “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

Overlooking offenses isn’t about ignoring real issues but about choosing grace over frustration in everyday moments.

Don’t we always appreciate it when our spouse shows us grace for our annoying and unloving ways? What would happen in our marriages if we consistently applied Proverbs 19:11 to the way we treated our spouse? Rather than overreacting to their maddening quirks, what if we practiced discretion by holding our tongue? 

When we respond generously (rather than reacting) when our spouse behaves in less-than-loving ways, we can demonstrate a level of maturity that will earn their respect. When we cease to nitpick them for not being as “perfect as we are,” imagine how it will change the way they feel about coming home at night.

If we continue to apply Proverbs 19:11, we may be surprised by how much it changes our perspective about our spouse. When we stop focusing on their imperfections, it becomes easier to see their good qualities. 

A word of caution: Applying this week’s verse will not be easy. Our spouse will probably not be any more perfect today than yesterday. Our husband might still leave their socks on the floor or not load the dishwasher the “right way.” Your wife may still struggle with prioritizing and procrastinating. 

But consider the alternative. 

What might our marriage look like by the end of 2025 if we keep nitpicking and overreacting to every flaw? Could our relationship become so strained that no resolution could repair the damage? Heaven forbid. 

Sheryl H. Boldt, a Franklin County resident, is a faith columnist and the author of the blog www.TodayCanBeDifferent.net. You can reach her at SherylHBoldt@gmail.com.